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Thursday, 26 March 2009

  • Our Story According to Him

    When I wrote the story about my boyfriend and I, I shared the story with him. He liked it alot and decided to write one for me too. Here it is.

    One day, i was just living life as usual, wasnt exactly happy, but i was tryign to make the best of it, and i wanted something to make the depression from everythign that has already happened go away, so i decided to talk to someone, just some random person, luckily that person ended out to be the love of my life, it was on myspace, a little weird if you think about it but who cares? we started talking, we would talk all day on myspace or on msn, and eventually i got a cell phone, and the first thing i did was texted her, when we couldnt get on myspace or talk on msn we'd be talking with text, Kevin knew that i've been talking to her alot, he was a really close friend of mine at the time, till he got in my face about it when i wasnt even doing anything and he had no right to try to claim you as his own, lol so we fought about it for a week or so, but i didnt care, i wanted you anyways, just something about you made me HAVE to have you.
    I called you once, but it seemed awakard, i figured i was just annoying you like everyone else that i first meet thinks, they always seem to get a bad first impression of me, so i figured you did too, turns out you didnt.. you were just shy, which i thought was adorable, cuz i could tell you liked me, you had a boyfriend, so i just figured i'd wait on you, and i did, but i also gave you advice about it, becasue you had told me you didnt like him that much anyways, i told you it wasnt fair to him, because while he thinks you like him and etc, your thinking "just friends" so either way he would have been hurt eventually, so i just helped you break up with him, and i invited you to come see a movie with me, you gave me directions to your house, which took us forever to find for some reason. i was nervous as heck, i couldnt really think of what to say when i saw you, cuz i thought you were beautiful, i was stunned, but only "wow you really are short" came out.
    We got back to my aunt and uncles and i was a nervous wreck, we were watching the boondock saints, pretty much one of the best movies ever, the whole time i was wondering if i should hold her hand or not, my heart starts racing, so i take the risk, and i grab her hand into mine, and she held my hand too. after the movie i was showing her around my aunt and uncles temporary house in 11th street, and i was showing her my cousin's art work, and when we were leaving, i turn around and look into those big beautiful brown eyes, and she looked back into mine, i could see what she wanted, and she knew what i wanted, so we kissed, and time flew by, before we knew it, it was time for her to go, so i take her back to her house, and asked if she wanted to come see me again the next day, she said yes, and the whole day she was out riding 4-wheelers and i couldnt wait to see her again. when she finally got there we talked some, we kissed, and i was trying to tell her that i wnated to be her boyfriend, and eventually i blurted it out, and she thought about it, and it took her a second to awnser, but she said yes! i was happier than i have been in  a very long time, i remember the first time she was going to come to my house, we had it all planned out, and she called me after work, she sounded depressed as ever, and told me that her mom said she couldnt go, pretty much just because she didnt know me that well, so after time me and her talked hours on the phone every night.
    we get closer and closer every day, but things were moving too fast, stupid decisions were made, and you needed a break, i understood, but it was one of the hardest times of my life, i held in there, we were pretty much together the whole time, we still saw each other all the time, we still kissed on occasion, just you were confused and i had some growing up to do, eventually the summer ends, and school is comming, i decided to still go to her school anyways because i was sick of my old school, i knew it'd make things so much harder, and i went home every day and i couldnt do anything but sit there and think of you, waiting for the phone to ring, because we still talked every night, im so happy that didnt stop, we still kept seeing each other, and i could tell she missed me as much as i did her, but she was scared to get hurt again, she didnt want to go through all that again.
    Around christmas time, she needed a date for the dance, and it took me weeks to ask her, it was just as hard as holding her hand the first night, she said yes. a few days before the dance, we were talking on the phone, and i told her that i want to be with her again, and i said, sure its a risk, but sometimes in life you have to jump out there and take a risk if you want to be happy, and you dont seem so happy anymore. and she agreed with me, and i asked so are we together again, are you mine? and she said yes, i was pretty sure my heart just stopped, i had to ask again a few times just to make sure it wasnt a dream or something again. i was the happiest guy alive, im so glad she said yes, because this time things have been going so much slower, we didnt say i love you on the first day even though we did, just she wanst sure yet. It took a few weeks, and one night we were laying in my room watching tv, and she says "Chris... i love you" yet again i couldnt believe what i was hearing, and asked her to tell me again, and i told her "i love you too Michelle!" i couldnt believe it, and our relationship is strong as ever now, nothing can come in our way, we can make it through anything especially after we made it through all that, i love you chelly, with all my heart, i love your big beautiful brown eyes, you adorable smile, i love how your so small and fit in my arms perfectly, i love how i can be myself around you, i love how you dont judge me, i love how you put up with me no matter what, and i love how you love me so much. im yours baby, forever, thats never gona change.

Wednesday, 25 March 2009

  • Everyone Deserves a Second Chance (Our Story)

    I remember the day we met for the first time. It was on myspace, of all places. You added me as a friend and messaged me and said "hey what's up?" and told you me you live close by and were good friends with a good friend of mine. I was a little hesitant to talk to you because I didn't know you, but you seemed harmless enough, and I figured there was nothing wrong with making new friends, so I messaged you back and we became acquainted. After that we talked on msn messenger nearly every night and kept in contact through text messages during the day. Our friendship grew stronger and stronger each day. We shared stories about our lives, and told each other things we couldn't talk about with anyone else. We were both going through difficult times back then and it was nice to have someone to talk to. I told you about my situation with my boyfriend. About how I didn't feel like I had good chemistry with him, but didn't have the courage to break up with him because he really liked me. You gave me good advice, about how I needed to be true to my heart even if it might hurt my boyfriend and how it wasn't fair to my bf that I was staying with him when I just wanted to be friends.

    I remember the day you called me on the phone for the first time. Your voice sounded a lot like I had imagined it would. I was very quiet on the phone and I felt really stupid because our conversation was kind of awkward due to my shyness. But I felt much better when you confessed to me later that day on messenger that you were worried that I was being quiet because I thought you were weird. But I thought the complete opposite of you. You were different than any guy I had ever met. And I didn't want to admit it at the time, but I was really beginning to like you.

    The next day was new years eve. I was at my aunt and uncles house celebrating with my family, and you were hanging out at a friends house. We were talking online when the countdown to midnight started and you told me something completely unexpected. You said that for your new years resolution you wanted to be more honest about how you feel, and that you felt like you were falling for me. I was so excited because I felt the same way. But I didn't know what to say because I had a bf. So I decided to be honest too. I said something like "I think I'm starting to feel the same way...but you know that I have a boyfriend." You said something like "I know, I can wait."

    I finally got up the courage to break up with my boyfriend. I remember feeling terrible because he was upset, but I knew that it was for the best, and I knew that I couldn't deny my feelings for you. We started talking alot more on the phone and a few days later we decided that it was time we should finally meet in person. I was so nervous about meeting you, I was worried that you wouldn't like me, or you would think I was too shy for you. When you arrived at my house and I opened the door to meet you, I had to look up because you're huge, like 6ft 4in, and I remember the first thing you said "Wow, you really are short." It made me laugh, and we left to go to your aunt and uncles house to watch a movie together. On the ride over I remember thinking that you were a lot cuter in person, I had only seen a couple pictures of you before.

    When we got to your aunt and uncles, we started watching the movie "Boondock Saints." I couldn't really focus on the movie because I was thinking of you the entire time. I was hoping that you would reach over and take my hand, and as if you could read my mind, you did. After the movie you showed me around the house. You had just got done showing me some of your cousins artwork and we were about to leave the room when you stopped, pulled me closer to you and we kissed. We kissed for what seemed like hours until it was time for me to leave.

    I came and saw you the next day before you left to go back to your house. You kept hinting that you wanted me to be your girlfriend and you finally asked me if I wanted to be with you. I honestly had to think about it for a second because I was dealing with one of my ex boyfriends at the time who was very controlling of me and wanted to get back together with me. But I decided that I would do what my heart was telling me to do and I said "Yes!" And once again, you said something very unexpected. "I love you." And I said without really thinking "I love you too." (Honestly at the time, I think we both kind of just blurted it out without thinking.)

    After that, our relationship moved very quickly..too quickly. We got along great, but kept pushing me further than I was willing to go. I tried to explain that I wasn't "that kind of girl" and even though you promised me many to respect that, you broke each promise every time. I felt like you didn't care about me enough to keep your promises to me and it began to weaken my feelings for you. And the more I distanced myself from you, the tighter you tried to cling to me. And the tighter you clung to me, the more I wanted to get away. You weren't treating me with the respect I deserved and you were often immature and selfish about your decisions. I decided that we needed to take a break because I needed time to figure out what I wanted. Months passed, and you were still hoping I would come back to you, but after considering and reconsidering, I made my decision final, and we broke up. We both tried to move on the best we could, but I had to admit, I missed you and still had feelings for you and couldn't stand to see you with someone else, and I knew you felt the same.

    But after the break up, I noticed a change beginning to take place in you. It became apparent that you realized what you had lost and began to mature more and be more respectful of my decisions and put me first. I found myself wanting to be around you more often and I began thinking of giving "us" another shot. 6 months after the breakup I found myself needing a date to the Christmas dance. You asked me if I would go with you and I said yes. We had a long conversation that night. You said that if we got back together that things would be different this time, and that we couldn't spend the rest of our lives wishing that we had taken the chance at love when we had it. And so I said yes. And I think you might have been the happiest guy on earth that night.

    This time around, we took our relationship much slower. And you kept your word to me, and eventually we fell in love all over again, but this time, it was for real. I can honestly say that I am glad I gave you another chance. I feel like I get closer and closer to you each day. I can never seem to get you off of my mind. Your love fills up all the empty places in my heart that used to leave me feeling hollow inside. As strange as it may sound I truly believe that fate brought us together the day you decided to message me on myspace. And I'm really glad it did.


Monday, 05 January 2009

  • I Don't Want To Grow Up

    I think reality is starting to set in. This will be my very last semester of high school.

    After this, I'll be separated from all my friends. So why not make new college friends? Because, as if college wasn't intimidating enough, I have to take my undeniable shyness into account. I'm not good at "fitting in." There's no way anyone will want to hang out with a weirdo like me.

    After this, my boyfriend and I won't get to see each other much. I'll only be 30 minutes away, but he doesn't have a car. I know it could be much worse, but I'm used to seeing him nearly every day at school. And I absolutely hate long distance relationships. But I love him, and we both want to make it work. I just know it's not going to be easy for us.

    After this...will be college, and I have no idea what to do with my life! I'm not like the other kids around here itching to get away from this small town and be out on their own. I like it here. It's simple and pleasant. And more importantly it's not new and scary. You should try to see me navigate a big city...oh wait, I won't even attempt it because I'm afraid of getting into another car accident...but if for some reason I DID attempt it, let me tell you, it would NOT be a pretty sight.

    Honestly, I don't want to grow up! I'll miss my safe, secure childhood too much. I feel like I would never survive out there in the real world. Its probably true. I'd be like a blind salmon in a river of starving bears. I wouldn't last 5 seconds. Needless to say, I'm terrified...and I don't understand. I should be excited, and anxious to start my own life and further my education like everyone else.

    But I'm not.

Sunday, 28 December 2008

  • It's A Terrible Thing To Waste

    I'm really pretty upset with myself right now.

    I woke up from an extremely deep sleep this morning--or I guess I should say afternoon because it was 1:35 PM. I couldn't believe it. The day was already halfway over and I was just rolling my lazy self from the enticing entanglement of my cozy sheets. "Oh well, it's not like I had anything better to do today," I thought, as I brushed it off and joined the rest of my family downstairs.

    Later, I got on my laptop to check my facebook for messages. I happened to notice that one of my friends had posted new photos of a trip her and her friend went on to Las Vegas. I was so jealous--honestly, I'm STILL jealous! Here I am spending my winter break in Boringtown Kansas sleeping all day and checking facebook while she's out having the time of her life on the Vegas strip.

    50 years from now, I wanna look back on my life and say "I really lived my life!" not "I wish I would traveled the world and enjoyed my life while I was still young but now I'm an old geezer and I'm lucky if I can make it to the Civic Center for Bingo Night..."

    Anyways, the way I see it, life is a precious and temporary gift. Even though I'm only 17, who's to say I won't die tomorrow and miss out on all the beautiful and exciting experiences life has to offer. I'm not going to let life slip through my hands anymore.

    Time is the most valuable thing in this world. Once you spend it. It's gone.

  • Believe it or not, the sun still shines.

naiveneverender

  • Visit naiveneverender's Xanga Site
    • Name: naiveneverender
    • Birthday: 5/12/1991
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 12/28/2008

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About Me

  • I'm "the shy girl" where I live. I hate being labeled like that, but it's true. I am shy. But I'm also more than that. The trick is, getting people to see past the shy girl they see on the outside, and into the deep, opinionated, open-minded, eccentric, naive, artistic, romantic, peaceful, loving, forgiving, woman I am on the inside. And so, my story begins...

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